And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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