I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
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Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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