Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Randomize
