I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
