how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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