the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
