listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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