I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
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He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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