I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
