when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
