Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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