Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
