You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
