I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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