I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
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There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
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the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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