you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
