yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
