Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.