dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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