I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
