The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to