I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
