I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
