you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
