the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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