i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
