found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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