Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
