I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
