it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
