Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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