Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
