i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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