I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
