I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
