how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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