I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
