Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
