My first STD was from a foam party
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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