hell yes lets make some ravioli
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
