Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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