you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
