there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
