He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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