i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm too high and old for this...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
