she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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