I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
4 words: hood of his car
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
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