Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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