you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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