what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
