There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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