Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
