Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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