Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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