also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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