my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Your penis caused this!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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