i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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