I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
