I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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