grandma shit on top of the toilet
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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