Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
