I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
