I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
