ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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