I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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