you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
