she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
