Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
