Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
