**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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