I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
