I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
