i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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