; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
