She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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