It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
