What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
