she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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